The processes that anarchist community and larger society have developed for dealing with interpersonal violence are completely inadequate for dealing with bashings. Anarchists propose accountability circles, which are based on the idea that perpetrators can change through a combination of education and therapy and that they can be a part of healing/healing from the harm they have caused. The central flaw in the restorative justice framework in this case is that it is predicated on two entirely false ideas; one, that it is possible for us to engage with our assailants as two reasonable parties with equal stake in the process and two, that homophobia/transphobia are on some level reasonable; that they are perspectives people “bring to the table”. The second is by far the most insidious; it seeps into every conversation about the violence against us, into every space; the stupidity that homophobia and transphobia are reasonable, if gouache, expressions of “the hurt this society causes everyone”. Asking us to be actively engaged in healing our attackers, in repairing the society that tries to kill us, is itself an attack. It is a complicated form of victim blaming; we are positioned as responsible for the education/healing/progress of the very people who are trying to destroy us, and if we refuse to take on a project that amounts to emotional suicide, we are then retroactively responsible for that (homo)(trans)phobic violence. It shifts the responsibility of homophobic and transphobic violence onto us and away from the people who actually commit it. We are not responsible for the violence against us. And we are not responsible for helping cis and heterosupremacists (or racists or misogynists or ableists for that matter) deal with their bullshit. We are not responsible for the health and well being of people who want us dead. The expectation that we should be invested in their healing is collaborative, to say the least; it entitles them to our time, our bodies, our resources, our energy. It seeks to shield bashers from the consequences of their actions; specifically, our rage. It is another way they can hold us down.
Sparrow Ingersoll (Vengeance)